he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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