Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
