In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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