New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize