Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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