My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
