Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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