only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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