i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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