I got chris browned last night
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
