You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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