Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
