I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
