Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
