At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think your dad took our porno
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
