Someone shit on the floor
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
