biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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