If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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