I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
