I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
