the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
operation have a gay friend backfired
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
