i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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