weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
