I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My liver just had a heart attack.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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