Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize