big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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