He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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