yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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