Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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