I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
