I am puke
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
