just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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