Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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