Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I need moral support for this bender
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
