trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
