Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
