Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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