The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
