who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
