He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
