I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
