every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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