I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
