I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
