I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
