11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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