I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Two words: nipple clamps
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