Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
