I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
