very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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