i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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