we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
