If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Barsexuality is the new black.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
