im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
