hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
