Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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