my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
