i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
