you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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