This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
