the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
