hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
