im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
