am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
