Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
