Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
