I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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