Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
