dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
