I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
