I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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