I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize