OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
