There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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