ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
