god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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