i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize