i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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